How To Help Older Siblings To Adjust To Their New Brother/Sister

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As a mom of two girls, I only had to go through the transition of adding a new child to our family once. But even that one time taught me so much. It was a beautiful, exciting time… but also a really tough one.

In my case, my eldest daughter had begged for a sibling. During my pregnancy, she was so excited to meet her little sister but jealousy crept in too. And after I brought the baby home, that jealousy really came to the surface.

Thankfully, after a few months, things started to settle down. But those first few months were rough. If I can help even one mom feel more prepared for this kind of transition, then I’d be so happy. So today I’m sharing some of the things that helped us through that big change and that might help you too.

Start Making Adjustments During Pregnancy

Bringing home a baby changes everything so the more you can ease your older child into those changes beforehand, the smoother the transition might be.

  • Ease them into independence: If your child is used to having your full attention, start gently encouraging solo play while you're still pregnant.

  • Gradually introduce baby gear: Bring in the crib, baby clothes, or swing a little at a time so your older child doesn’t feel like their environment has changed overnight.

  • Start the conversation: If your child is young, get them a baby doll and show them how to be gentle. Let them feel baby kicks. Show them ultrasound photos. If they’re older, talk honestly about what to expect—and answer their questions openly.

Schedule One-on-One Time With Your Older Child

Newborns take a lot of your attention, but try to make time, even just 15–30 minutes a day to spend solely with your firstborn.

This doesn’t have to be elaborate. For me, I’d play a quick game with my older daughter during the baby’s afternoon nap, and we kept a short bedtime routine just for the two of us.

It can be anything, as long as it’s predictable and consistent. It helps your older child feel seen and valued.

Create a “Baby-Free” Zone

When a baby arrives, it can feel like they’ve taken over everything. Make sure your older child has a space they can call their own.

This might be their bedroom or a cozy play corner, anywhere they can retreat when they need a break from baby chaos. If the kids share a room, keep the baby out during the day so your older child still gets some private space.

Don’t “Blame” the Baby

If you have to say no to your older child because the baby needs you, try not to phrase it as “because of the baby.” For example:

Instead of:

“I’m busy with the baby right now.”

Say:

“I’m busy right now so can we play in a little bit?”

This subtle shift can make a big difference in how your older child feels toward the new sibling.

Praise Positive Interactions

When your older child is gentle, kind, or even just curious about the baby make sure to praise them!

Examples of things to celebrate:

  • Soft touches or cuddles

  • Offering toys to the baby

  • Talking sweetly to their sibling

  • Saying something kind about them

Try saying things like, “Wow, you’re such a kind big sister,” or, “Look how much your baby brother loves you!”

You can also gently encourage these moments by modeling how to show affection or offering ideas for safe play.

Stay Calm During Negative Interactions

Let’s be honest: some jealousy is completely normal. Sometimes your older child might be aggressive, rough, or angry toward the baby. It’s hard, but do your best to stay calm when correcting this behavior.

Yelling or panicking may heighten the tension. Gently intervene, and always supervise interactions between a young child and the baby even when things seem fine.

Remember: you're not doing anything wrong. This is part of the adjustment process.

How Age Affects the Transition

Each age group handles the new sibling experience a little differently. Here’s what you might expect:

Under 2 Years Old

They might not fully grasp what’s happening, but that doesn’t mean they’re unaffected. Regression or clinginess is common. Just keep giving them attention, even if they can’t express how they’re feeling yet.

Ages 2–3

At this age, you might see some regression like wanting a bottle again or acting like a baby. Gently redirect by reminding them how fun it is to be a “big kid” and praising their independence.

Ages 4–6

Kids in this group might verbalize their feelings more and can help out in small ways. Let them help (safely), and validate their emotions even if they’re annoyed with the baby sometimes.

Ages 7–8

Older kids may seem totally fine but keep an eye out. They might be bottling up negative feelings or trying to act “mature” for your sake. Make space for open conversations, and let them help in age-appropriate ways. They often love feeling responsible.

Remember: Every Child Is Different

While these age-related tips can help, every child is unique. My oldest daughter was 3.5 years old when her sister was born, and she surprised me, she wanted to help and rarely regressed.

Just follow your instincts and adapt to your child’s individual needs.

It Gets Better—Promise

If you're in the thick of a tough transition right now, please know this: it will get better. Your children will adjust. Your family will find its new rhythm.

Today, my daughters are best friends. They laugh together, play together, and share a bond that’s incredibly sweet. My oldest never regretted asking for a baby sister.

So yes, those early days were hard but they were so worth it.

Thanks for reading! I hope this post helped in some way. If you’ve gone through this transition yourself and have tips of your own, I’d love to hear them in the comments. 💬

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