How To Set Boundaries With Parents Regardless Of Age

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 Learning how to set boundaries with parents is a pivotal step in most of our lives. Sometimes we need to set boundaries with our own parents, help our partners set boundaries with theirs, or even teach our kids how to set them with us. But regardless of the situation, it’s not always easy. Trust me, I know.

Today we’re breaking down the basics of how to set boundaries with parents, without damaging the relationship in the process.

What Are Boundaries?

Let’s start by talking about what boundaries actually are. For a long time, boundaries were only thought of in physical terms. For example:

  • “Please don’t hug me without asking.”

  • “I’m not comfortable with you touching me without my permission.”

  • “Could you please stop touching me in that spot?”

These are still valid, of course. But boundaries can go far beyond physical space. Emotional boundaries, time boundaries, and communication boundaries are just as important.

Here are a few more examples:

  • “I don’t take phone calls after 9 PM unless it’s an emergency. That’s my time to wind down.”

  • “Please don’t give me advice unless I ask for it.”

  • “I’m not comfortable answering questions about that topic.”

Boundaries can take many forms, and they all serve the same purpose: to protect your peace and create healthy relationships.

A Step-by-Step Guide to Setting Boundaries With Parents

Step One: Identify the Boundary Clearly

Boundaries work best when they’re clear and specific. Before you even talk to your parents, take time to identify what your boundary is.

If you’re new to setting boundaries, this step might feel confusing. Here are a few ways to get clarity:

  • Pay attention to your emotional reactions. Notice when you feel frustrated, hurt, or overwhelmed by your parents’ behavior. Then ask yourself why.

  • Keep a list. Write down moments when you feel triggered, and look for patterns.

  • Talk it out. Share your feelings with someone you trust, like a partner, friend, therapist, or even journal your thoughts to process them.

Once you pinpoint what behavior is bothering you, brainstorm a boundary that would help prevent it. Then practice describing that boundary in a calm, confident, and direct way.

Step Two: Communicate the Boundary

Now that you’re clear on your boundary, it’s time to express it.

There are different ways to go about this depending on the situation. You might have the conversation in person, over the phone, or even through text. You can do it one-on-one, or with a trusted third party present. Choose whatever makes you feel most supported.

Try to approach the conversation calmly and when emotions are settled. If you set a boundary in the heat of an argument, it’s more likely to be met with defensiveness or confusion.

Tips for Talking About It

When it’s time to bring it up, keep these tips in mind:

  • Focus on what you want, not what you don’t. For example, instead of saying, “Stop criticizing me,” you could say, “I would appreciate more encouragement and support.”

  • Be direct. Present your boundary in simple, respectful terms. Don’t leave room for confusion.

  • Stand firm. If your parents respond with guilt, anger, or resistance, try not to shrink. Stay grounded in the reason you set the boundary in the first place.

If it feels right, you can also share the consequences of ignoring the boundary. For example: “If this continues, I’ll need to end the conversation and step away.” Just be sure to follow through if that becomes necessary.

Step Three: Hold Them Accountable

Sometimes setting the boundary is just the beginning. If your parents have been behaving a certain way for years, they may fall back into old habits. So you’ll need to hold them accountable.

If you have a relatively healthy relationship, a gentle reminder might be all it takes. But if the boundary continues to be ignored, you may need to take further steps.

Examples of accountability:

  • Stepping away or ending the conversation when your boundary is crossed

  • Limiting interactions in situations where boundaries aren’t respected

  • Going low or no contact if the behavior is harmful and ongoing

If necessary, give a heads-up about what will happen if the boundary continues to be violated. And most importantly, stick to it. Consistency builds trust in yourself and helps others take you seriously.

Final Thoughts

Setting boundaries with your parents can feel scary or even painful. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. In fact, it’s often a sign of growth and healing.

Healthy relationships include mutual respect. And you’re allowed to create space that helps you feel safe and supported — even with family.

So take a deep breath. You’ve got this. And if it helps, revisit this guide any time you need a little extra encouragement.

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