Grief Doesn’t Have a Timeline: A Reflection on My Dad’s Passing

 A lot of people want to believe that grief follows a neat timeline. That after a year, or five, or ten, the pain just disappears. But the truth is, grief isn’t something you finish. It changes over time, but it never truly ends.

When we lose someone we love, that love doesn’t vanish with them. It stays here with us, which means the grief stays too, in different forms. Sometimes it’s a quiet ache in the background. Other times, it can hit all at once, sharp and unexpected, like it just happened yesterday. At least, that’s how it’s been for me and for some of my family.

Almost 8 years ago, my dad passed away. But if I’m being honest, my grieving started long before that. He had health issues for years, and there were several times we thought we were going to lose him. Once, we even said our goodbyes. He was ready, but he knew I wasn’t, so we had a long conversation about death and what it meant to him. That talk is one I’ll always hold close. He wasn’t afraid of dying. He didn’t want it to come early, but he had peace in knowing it would come for us all, and he felt thankful for the life and family he had. That gave me a peace I didn’t even realize I needed.

In early 2017, I could see he was growing weaker. At first, I thought maybe the winter was just being hard on him. But soon we learned it was more than that. He was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, and within a few weeks, we learned it had spread.

Because of his overall health and age, there weren’t many treatment options. He decided not to pursue aggressive care. Instead, he wanted to be at home, surrounded by family, feeling as good as he could for as long as he could. We supported that decision completely.

By then, I had already walked through so many stages of grief. So when the time finally came, I was able to focus on what needed to be done. He was able to visit with all the family, celebrate his 60th wedding anniversary, and then quietly pass in his own bed. Hospice arrived on a Tuesday. He passed away that Friday morning.

Even though I had made peace with what was coming, losing him still hurt. There’s no way to prepare your heart for that final goodbye. But I was grateful for the extra time we had, for the calm moments, for the honesty and the love we shared during those final months.

Since then, some days have been easier than I ever expected. But there are still moments that sneak up on me. A song, a memory, a random thought and suddenly I’m back in that grief all over again. It’s surprising how raw it can still feel.

But in those moments, I remind myself of something important: my dad was ready. He had peace. And in knowing that, I can find peace too.

Grief doesn’t mean we’re stuck in the past. It means we loved deeply. It means we still do.